Dissolve My Illusion

Facade

I really cant believe how much I hate this entire disgusting species. I don’t even know what to say or think anymore. Who can I trust. Who can I rely on. The answer always falls to me answering to myself that it is me and only me. I feel so distant from every person on this withering planet. The wretchedness of everything. How all we’ve done in our short existence is completely decimate the planet that holds us. Socially we are all based in selfishness. Mentally we are all corrupted, misled and ignorant. We get one body to live in, and its considered glamorous to our kind to ruin that too, via bad food, tobacco, cosmetics, etc. We ruin the water and the glass. We all let everything fleet past us in our short time of existence. Just because someone said that “its just the way it is.” Who the fuck says I have to abide by that. Everyone says you cant just do anything. Untrue. The only people who can stop you are the ones willing to do anything to accomplish stopping you. And we all waste time trusting in people who only keep others around for selfishness. We trust people to help us, sometimes depend. Truth is. No one will ever be there unless something in return. In that way everyone’s a therapist or psychologist. pretending to care to get something in return. I even help people I hate enough to consider them a waste of flesh. because i believe it is my duty as a being of this planet to do it. the only time I’ve ever seen something to contradict that is parenting. but even still. the child is completely selfish. up until the years where he/she realized they wasted there pathetic life being unappreciative, spiteful and completely mentally blind. I feel as if I was asleep living like everyone for years. and all the sudden i awoke to all the doors of my mental being have opened. and feel that i am one of the only ones. I feel as though everyone looks from behind they’re eyes and my eyes only see through me, that my perception has completely made my reality. And all i can see is how this entire species is a self intrusive, debilitating force on itself.    Enough of this rant.  I don’t even know why i wrote this here. Guess 450 pages of journal is just becoming to cumbersome.

Love,

Christian

Yeah. ‘Bout that.

I said id post something once a day. But why. Nobody cares what I think or say. Not even my own friends. So, whenever I feel like it.

Shit Waterfall.

I’m tired of the internet because everywhere I look ignorance and stupidity is flowing from peoples minds like a shit waterfall. AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR SLUTTY PICTURES ON FACEBOOK GIRLS. Its not cute. and makes any decent guys want nothing to do with you. A good boyfriend wouldn’t want their girlfriend showing off to the entire world. Have some decency.

Request 1: What inspires me to play guitar.

Unfortunately, life did not give me a way to express myself. My words are not always clear, even though I know exactly what I am trying to convey to everyone around me. Words lie. Ideas aren’t clear, intentions are eschewed and my needs are forgotten. Its a fact that most of communication is through the body. What better way to tell and make people feel how i do then to talk with my fingers, that feeling of goosebumps and the feeling of ascension i get every time i play, and learn something new. Music doesn’t lie, i cant be unclear through the notes i play. I can tell a story merely through my fingertips. It is the only clear reason for living i have left to hold to. I have been blessed with a clear understanding of a word unspoken, and the sense of a feeling just by the language of hands and body it takes to play an instrument. When you hear classical music, you can feel the emotions the composer did when he wrote the piece. He doesn’t need to explain it, because he did in the best way a human possibly can, through to expression of this great art. I don’t play to be famous, I don’t play to get fans, I dont play for money, I don’t play to get girls. I play for myself and a belief that I can express myself clearly through this. I play not only for the love of music, but for the need to do so. If i never found this misunderstood art, this under appreciated art, I would have never found a reason to exist.

We all have doubts.

Don’t use scapegoats for everything. you need to realize the only way to change anything is to actively participate in everything affecting you. the only way to stop things from forcing you to do it is to find a way to stop it. Be an unmovable object. And an unstoppable force.

Ooof.

I love when reading peoples personal” Epiphanies” and realizing how self detrimental it is. I understand they realize something is stupid, or wrong, or that they are done doing it, but 9 out of ten times, the develop this defeatist attitude about every aspect of they’re life. You just wallow and focus on the one thing that is wrong, and forget there is many other things in life to make you enjoy it. Life is what you make it, don’t let this corrupt world define you.

“So then why should i vote…?”

I refuse to vote. I dont like to play pretend anymore, too old for that. So im not going to pretend my opinion has any say in this country. Im never voting for a president. They claim to be looking out for our rights and well being, but they have all been rich men, from rich families. How do they know what is ACTUALLY good for the 99% of us. I’m tired of them saying how they are looking out whats best for the “country and its citizens.” No they are not. In this decade, I have never seen and part of our government do anything we’ve thought was right, or something we needed, or anything we want. The only people who live in the land of the free are the 1%. I firmly believe we are still in slavery. To our jobs, to our loans, to our government. We are all trapped in this dysfunctional system. I am not abiding by this stupid ritual anymore. All i want is a proper education, a real leader, and some way of not slaving for this shitty country. And ive been denied all of that. I have to struggle, and not even be allowed to further my education in my passions. 51 thousand, not counting all the other misc. charges. For a two year degree. I feel like an armless man being raped. I cant do anything to stop and fight it. I feel like an animal at the zoo, a statistic to the rich people who have the grace to study watch and criticise us, when they have no real idea what is happening, oh how i long for the blissful ignorance they all have. All i want is equality. And unless everything changes, that is nothing but a crazy dream. No president will get us what we want, no part of the government will, so i vote the american people, because we are the only ones who can go and claim what we need. We must take everything into our hands, and take back what is rightfully ours. A good life, a good education. An equal part of everything for anyone.